Don't get me wrong, Frank Lampard is a terrific club footballer.
But exactly how bad, how consistently, stinkingly, hilariously rotten does he have to be to get dropped from the England football team? Must he execute clownish fresh-air swings every time the ball comes to him? Must he pick up the ball with both hands and fling it into his own net? Must he commit scything career-ending tackles on his own team-mates? Must he continuously and insanely blast own-goals for a full 90 minutes?
As he plods incompetently around the midfield game after game I find my desperate laughter becoming hysterical and frightening.