Saturday, March 31, 2007

Why I will never understand anything

Somebody pointed me towards this clip from Tyra Banks's TV show, in which she reveals her "number one beauty secret" to an audience of female fans.

Watching it provides a glimpse of the full, frightening extent of the depth of my inability to understand:

a) Americans; and
b) women.

Brace yourselves, chaps. This isn't pretty.


Duck said...

gasp!! Don't you realize what this signifies? It's the final sign!

I'll be in my bunker eating dried legumes, if anyone cares.

monix said...

Daytime TV, especially that imported from the US, is so intellectually stimulating.

David said...

It's ironic.

That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

For that matter, that you don't recognize that it's ironic is -- wait for it -- ironic.

joe shropshire said...

You know, this one isn't really that hard. Just imagine a sleepover at Oprah's house, if Oprah were a QVC sales person high on crack cocaine, and you're right in the moment. On the other hand all of that might mean nothing to you if you aren't an American.

Brit said...


I guessed that "Your wildest dreams have come true" was ironic. But its the behaviour that baffles.

David said...

Well, "ironic" is perhaps not the mot juste. In American, I'm sorry to say, she's "fucking with." She's fucking with the audience, the fashion/cosmetics industry, infomercials, day-time talk shows and, in particular, Oprah.

She might also be fucking with Bette Miller, but that would be a stretch.

Harry Eagar said...

David, I take it you never attended a roller derby or pro rasslin' match or donkey baseball game.

Or a good ol' fashion tent revival.

I don't see this as much different -- or any different -- from guys who put on body paint and stand shirtless for three hours during a Bears game in December.

My people.

Brit said...

It's much more manufactured than any of those spontaneous expressions of tribal excitment. I think David is right.

Harry Eagar said...

Exploited, yes.

Give the susceptible a chance to perform, and they will perform.

That's how stage hypnotists do it. In any crowd, there will always be people willing to pretend to be unable to prevent themselves from barking like a dog or whatever.

I once observed the same phenomenon at a lecture about dowsing, too.

My people.

David said...


You're absolutely right. I avoid all those venues like the plague.

However, there's a moment right before she gets down and writhes on the floor when her expression just yells "Take that, America." Also, she is claiming that her gift to the audience is her number 1 beauty secret and it turns out to be Vaseline worth, in total, about $100.

Harry Eagar said...

Yeah, I got that. It was pure pentacostalism transferred to the secular realm.

I went to hear Junior Walker a (very) few years ago. Came a moment in the show when he had to lie on his back and play a break on the sax.

Junior was in his 60s, and getting down on his back didn't look as spontaneous as it probably did when he was younger.

The recreations of the poor have to be simple and cheap. You noticed, did you not, that the audience was thrilled to get little jars of Vaseline.

Reminded me of the Firesign Theatre routine where the prize winner opens the bag and finds that 'It's just a bag of s+++.'

Segue to . . . 'but it's really great s+++.'

My people are grateful even for two ounces of Vaseline. It shows somebody is thinkin' of us. 'Gift of the Magi' and all that.

David said...

Yeah, the expressions in the crowd are great. Some are thinking, "Hey, I'm having an ironic experience" and others are just grooving on the mob hysteria.