Thursday, May 13, 2010

A Man’s Gotta Do A Dirty Job Sometimes

Jon Hotten, fellow founding member of the Steve Bruce Literary Appreciation Society, has suggested that there’s a one-way ticket to Easy Street to be had if you can only write a song like The Best a Man Can Get, or the Baywatch theme I’m Always Here, or St Elmo’s Fire. In other words, a rockin’ soundtrack to an 80s Brat Pack movie that will subsequently be used in a razor ad and played endlessly on American commercial radio for the benefit of men who drink Budweiser.

This strikes me as being extremely plausible; and luckily the whole thing came to me, fully-formed, in the shower this morning. What do you think? To achieve the full effect you should clench both fists and sing it as loud as you can through your best constipation face.

A Man’s Gotta Do A Dirty Job Sometimes

Down at the docks I work all day dockin’
Dockin’ all through the day
But at night you know I’m gonna be rockin’
Rockin’ the night away (yeah)

All day long my ripped muscles are achin’
And my shirt it is so tight
But tonight you know I’m gonna be makin’
Makin’ love to you through the night (yeah!)

Oh yeah it’s tough on that jetty
My denim shirt might get kinda sweaty
But a man’s gotta be what a man’s gotta be…

A man’s gotta do a dirty job sometimes
Like only a man can do
Oh yeah but a man needs a wooooman
And baby I need yoo-ou!
Together we can climb that hillock
They’re never gonna stop us now
And we’re gonna swim that ocean
We’ll make it through somehow… YEAH!

The bossman will try a-breakin’ me down now
Under a blazin’ sky
But like an eagle that’s white and brown now
I’m gonna be soarin’ so high (yeah!)

Cos I’m a man, oh yes I am, baby,
Oh yeah and it’s tough sometimes maybe
But a man’s gotta be what a man’s gotta be…


MIDDLE EIGHT (stolen from Going Home, the theme to Local Hero by Dire Straits)

Oh yeah I’m gonna break on thru now
And there’s nothing that we can’t do now
Cos I got me and baby I also got you




A dirty job, a dirty job baby!
Only a man, oh yeah a man can it do!
When the going gets tough now, and when that sea is rough now
Oh yeah when shove comes to push now
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush now
A stitch in time saves nine,
cos I’m gonna be crossin’ that line
To do a dirty job
A dirty job baby
A man’s gotta do it
A dirty job...



worm said...

Tim Rice eat your heart out!

Stirring stuff - one can almost smell the hairspray.

I could never be a lyricist. On the third line of the first bridge, I would have been overly tempted to rhyme the words 'jetty' and 'sweaty' with 'spaghetti'

Brit said...

Damn, didn't think of that one.

Willard said...

Damn. That's going to be stuck in my head all day...

[Ha! How about that? You're talking about 'easy street' and my Catpha phrase is 'onease'.]

Sean said...

Have you got a link for the "Easy street Song generator"? Looks like its closely related to the "Postmodernist essay Generator" made famous of course by Appleyards Blog.

David said...

That's truly loverly.

Just two things:

First, it's really the music that's key for a driving rock anthem that ends up as the theme song for syndicated shows about scantily clad women and commercials for soap.

Second, it just may be a cultural thing, but over here men who drink Bud aren't too keen on songs about ripped muscles (aching or not) and tight shirts on dockworkers.


malty said...

Brit, with your leanings toward the musically exotic you're gonna have to head east man, the entire pre post modern rock scene, according to radio four, has been adopted by the Indian nouveau twenties. Metallica is going a bomb and the good folk of the sub continent are travelling for up to eight days to see the concerts.

Not only do we dump our old ships and plastic on the poor sods.....

Brit said...

The tune is ace, David, I wish you could hear it.

As to your second point... yeah right. It's such a giveaway...

Brit said...

Malty - kerching!

Jon Hotten said...

Brit, yes, I fully undertand how Parr and Jamison can provoke immediate creativity. I'd say this is a Bon Jovi style, working man's anthem a la the deathless Livin' on a Prayer. You need to make sure you're macho enough to put a song like that across. A good model for you could be Paul Stanley, who retains his manliness in a spandex catsuit.

I would say though that in most radio rock, the man takes on a more vulnerable role - his heart is usually desperate or burning, his desire can go no higher before he's on fire. Witness perhaps the greatest couplet of them all, by Kick-Ass Kevin Cronin of REO Speedwagon from 'Keep On Lovin' You' - 'it's time to bring this ship into the shore/and throw away the oars/forever'.

Nuff said.

Brit said...

his heart is usually desperate or burning, his desire can go no higher before he's on fire.

...and I suppose that if he's begging please baby please, there's a fair chance he'll soon be down on his knees?

Jon Hotten said...

You're a natural. Can't believe you've not realised before.