Friday, November 10, 2006

No can do

A campaign is being launched to raise awareness of the crippling impact of toilet phobia.

The National Phobics Society estimates at least four million Britons are affected - but the true number could be many more.

Toilet phobia can simply be manifest as a mild distaste for public loos. But some people develop such an intense obsession that they are left housebound, and may refuse to undergo potentially life-saving medical examinations.

The first piece of advice I would give to such people: at all costs, avoid holidaying in France.


Peter Burnet said...

Can you imagine the hell of being trapped at a cocktail party by a group of these folks who had just been been cured and had to tell you about it?

Brit said...

"It was a 7 step programme. Step 1 was opening the cublicle door. Now let me tell you all about steps 6 and 7..."

David said...

Can I tell a detailed story about French ... um ... "plumbing", I suppose, although the story is more about the absence of anything worthy of the name?

Hey Skipper said...

In this regard, at least, the French and the Japanese are diametrically opposed.

Japanese sidewalks are also conspicuously devoid of doggy effluvea.

Again, diametrically opposed to the French.

Brit said...


Please do. I love stories about toilets and so forth.

David said...

Well, I suppose I've already told the nut of it.

A romantic trip to Paris, a day spent wandering around Ile de Cite, admiring Notre Dame, browsing through the quaint streets, ending up at Saint-Chapelle, a jewel of a church located (oddly) within the Palais du Justice, and then lucking into an old brasserie for lunch. Obviously, all that and a meal move a man but all movement comes to a sudden stop when, after descending a long narrow stair case where one also descends a decade per stair, one is confronted with the proverbial hole in the ground and proof that Frenchmen can't aim. It takes a lot of stained glass to counter-balance that sight.

Brit said...

I don't believe any country can claim to be part of the 'developed' world if it has even a single one of those 'hole in the ground' jobs within its borders.

Italy has them too, and as the descendants of the Romans they really have no excuse for such barbarism.

Peter Burnet said...


It takes a lot of stained glass to counter-balance that sight.

Not as much as it takes immersion in the symbols of that good 'ole Judeo-Christian heritage to counter-balance the public toilets of East Jerusalem.