A night worker at Madame Tussauds faces losing his job after posing for photos groping star waxworks.
In one of the pictures Bryan Boniface is shown pulling down Kylie Minogue's hotpants and [censored - ed].
In others, he is seen beating up Sven Goran Eriksson, throttling London mayor Ken Livingstone and grabbing disabled Professor Stephen Hawking.
Bryan's ex Sofia Oliveira leaked the shots when their 11-year romance ended, reports The Sun.
Bryan, of London, said: "I'm in hot water."
A spokesperson for the museum said: "We do not encourage this."
This story is notable for two reasons.
First, the amusing economy of words in the quotes (“I’m in hot water.” “We do not encourage this.”).
Second, because it clearly points the way to a bold and profitable new direction for Madame Tussaud’s.
Given the lamentable disappearance of the stocks for allowing the general public to vent their often justified anger at various celebrity good-for-nothings, incompetents and fraudsters, Smash-a-Sven and Kick-a-Ken dolls should prove enormously popular as the next best thing.
Major pests such as Livingston and Eriksson would obviously be permanent fixtures in the rubber Rogue’s Gallery, but you could happily accommodate a rotating Dummy of the Month feature for those celebrities - like Jamie Oliver, Clare Short or the Prince of Wales - whose tendency to irritate the nation is more variable. International guest stars such as George Bush and Christiano Ronaldo could also feature, though it would be superfluous to put the World’s Most Annoying Foreigner in the stocks since he’s already done it voluntarily.
In a similar vein, we should also abandon this annus horribilis’s utterly pointless Sports Personality of the Year show in favour of a Sports Dimwit of the Year. The ‘winner’ should be roundly booed and presented with an ornamental wooden spoon for Outstanding Contribution to the Humiliation of British Sport in 2006.
Current nominees are Frank Lampard, Steve Harmison and the clear favourite, Andy Robinson.