Friday, February 26, 2010

It’s over for the little guy

Asdal turned up trumps for the basics, such as crumpets, Dungeness crab and eggs which contain egg, but Wild Swans by Jung Chang, foot spas and The Full Monty (VHS) were all out of stock.

Fortunately Outer Spaceman had reminded us that all of these items are readily available in any charity shop, so I immediately took myself over to Staple Hill, a borough of Bristol which contains the highest density of charitable outlets in the South West. Staple Hill’s short high street boasts, amongst others, a Red Cross, a British Heart Foundation, a PDSA, a Cancer Research, a Marie Curie, a Barnardo’s, an Age Concern, an RSPCA, a Salvation Army, a Save the Children, a Scope, a Sense, a Sue Ryder, a Mary Beard, a National Bullying Helpline, a Meerkat Rehabilitation Society, a Relative Poverty Affirmative Action Squad but strangely, no Oxfam.

Naturally I found everything I needed in the Red Cross, but imagine my surprise as, driving out of that OAP’s Mecca, I saw the cement mixers, the men in hard hats, a rubbled Ground Zero where the Woolies and Blockbuster used to be, and growing in their place the skeleton of a colossus, and plastered across screens the ominous banner: “Opening Soon – Tesco Wild Swans and Foot Spa MegaPlatz”. Where, I wondered, is Paul Kingsnorth when you need him?



13 comments:

worm said...

well this kind of thing brings out the Nimby in me - unless of course they will be stocking a battered video copy of 'Rugby's Greatest Hits and Dirty Bits' presented by Mick 'The Munch' Skinner, or a small wood-effect picture frame containing a painting of some dogs playing poker

Brit said...

Ah, the sporting bloopers vid. Charity shop standby and a fast Xmas buck for many an athlete perceived as being a bit of a 'character'. Phil Tufnell, Gazza, Monty Panesar, Vinnie Jones, any regular of A Question of Sport; all have benefited from treading the trail first blazed by good old Danny Baker (a gifted man who has made a lot of bad choices).

worm said...

I too have always had admiration of sorts for Danny Baker, he used to come across very well on the radio whenever it was many moons ago that I used to listen to him.

Brit said...

His Saturday sport column in the Times (late 90s/early 00s) was the best thing in the paper. He barely mentioned sport at all. Likewise his 909 show on Five Live, a football phone-in which under Baker was about interesting things, such as the fattest people in the crowd or unofficial knitted team bobble hats etc, but which is these days an unimaginably tedious thing where idiots phone in to talk about 4-4-2 formations and whether the manager should be sacked.

Susan said...

Great video clip - which film is that from? Blondness prevents me from being able to work this out from u-tube...

Brit said...

It's from the Sopranos, Susan - season 6. The episode where Vito runs away after being spotted at the gay club.

Gaw said...

C'mon. You know what we're really interested in. How about the veg?

David said...

The southwest?

I hadn't previously thought of Bristol as the Arizona of England.

Brit said...

Cornwall is the Arizona of England.

worm said...

pfft brit, you flatter us

Cornwall is the North Korea of england

Mark said...

Sigh. So Bristol is now the collective noun for an unusual concentration of charity shops. Sid James must be turning in his grave, but then if you look hard enough you'll probably find a charity shop with Sid James for sale as well.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Did they ask you if you wanted a plastic bag with your purchase? Or if the previous owner of the Full Monty video had died whilst watching it? (My understanding of the current state of my homeland is now entirely formed from sitcoms). Woah, a "Mary Beard"?

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