Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Buy-Brit-a-Nice-House Appeal 2009

The village in which I work is a cheap place to rent an office but a very expensive place to buy a house. In. Which is a pity because I have my eye on this one:



It’s not the largest house in the village but I feel that if I lived in it I could pretend I was in a Jane Austen novel, or even better, a sumptuous BBC adaptation of a Jane Austen novel. Certainly I would wear breeches and sport a set of whiskers and say “indeed” a lot.

The only obstacle is the prohibitive cost. However, I have calculated that if every Think of England reader pledges just £10,000 to the Buy-Brit-A-Nice-House Appeal 2009, I could raise enough to make an offer of £1 million to the current occupier which, I hope, would be enough to swing the deal.

To donate
It couldn’t be easier! To contribute to the Buy-Brit-A-Nice-House Appeal 2009, simply email me your bank account log-in details, and I will transfer £10,000 of your money directly into my account – you don’t have to do anything!

Once I have amassed the necessary million, I will purchase the house. Then, when the new kitchen is done, a commemorative post-it with the name of each donor will be ceremonially stuck to the fridge, and a photograph of the fridge will be emailed to you, along with a semi-personalised message of warmest thanks.

13 comments:

Gaw said...

I'd make them an offer. Doesn't look very well maintained. And darling that pampas grass will simply have to go.

Are you warming us up for the addition of a Pay Pal button? Blegger.

Brit said...

I forgot to mention the spectacular views over the rolling greenery north Somerset; and also the splendid local pub.

I note that Elberry has the blegging bowl out again which, given that he has banned commenters and stopped reading other blogs, is a bit of a nerve if you ask me. But if anyone does want to sub his Euro holiday, do go over there.

Peter Burnet said...

Bit pricey for a fix-'r-upper, no? Can you confirm they will throw in the appliances?

Sophie King said...

Cripes, you don't get much for million in your neck of the woods. I'll give you 20p for a cup of tea (said in a Morningside accent).

worm said...

hmm on first look I would think a price of 750-800 grand would be more realistic - which could mean that you are trying to fleece us of an extra 200k in order to install a bowling alley, a massive white marble jacuzzi and two enormous white porcelain lions on each side of your gold plated front gates.

do you deny this?

Peter Burnet said...

My God, worm, I think you are on to something. He wants us to pay for dredging the moat! Nice try, pal.

Brit said...

Yeah yeah, how about less of the wisecracks and more of the spondooliks, guys.

I will probably be away for a few days, when I get back I'll be expecting the readies...

Sean said...

Have you tried emailing Nigeria?

David said...

Lead with your best foot, lad. The "Buy Charlotte a nice house appeal," combined with appealing picture of the beneficiary biting her own foot, will result in our feeling significantly more regret upon stiffing you.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Looks more Wuthering Heights than Sense and Sensibility if you ask me! I'm willing to give the 10,000 but you'd have to employ my people to do the work.

Sean said...

Dilo, thats not a Wuthering heights type house, we build in stone, generally limestone so they dont blow over, and are good at holding the heat.

They are also hold the noise well, so if we feel like murdering the family, the neighbours can still enjoy a quite night.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Hi Sean, nice to make your acquaintance. I take it then that you're a proud Yorkshireman, and I salute you. I suppose he could Austen it up a bit, but it would need some nice wrought iron railings, hollyhocks and stuff.

malty said...

Henceforth this corner of the ether will be known as Brit's Big Issue Blog.
Don't do it Brit, under any circumstances, do not let Mrs Brit see the picture, great sadness lies therein.
You will find.....
Dryrotwetrotneedsnewroofrewiringinsulation
Draughtywindowsbrokenglassnowatersupply
Nearestgas2milesawaychimney'sfallingdown
Nodampproofcpursecracksinwallsfullofmice
Floorboardsnedrenewingfencesfallingdown
Localfarmerhasrightofwaygardenneeds10years
Bunchofchinkiesgrowingcannabisnextdoor.
Proximityoftreesdoublesinsurance.

Of course if, like many before, you submit to the charms, then feel free.

It has taken us over a decade (one and one third to be precise) to rectify the above.

Go Brit, go.