Tuesday, April 13, 2010


A goose not dissimilar to the one pictured above patrols the entrance to the yard of Dave’s farm shop. It and I have taken a dislike to each other. It fancies itself as a bit of a watchgoose. Or perhaps a nightclub bouncer goose, and indeed it conveys this character so convincingly that when I approach the shop I often find myself inadvertently glancing down to check I’m not wearing trainers.

My method of dealing with its aggressive honking, flapping and neck-wagging is to clap my hands and pretend to laugh at it. In fact, I give it as wide a berth as possible while maintaining some degree of human dignity; its beak is at crotch level and I’m not too keen to get into a fight.


Willard said...

Take care, Brit. A goose can break a man's spine with one strike of its wing.

Or is that a swan?

worm said...

ooh yeah, they're right spiky b****rds, geese. My parents have had a couple of them for years and they still won't let anyone anywhere near them. miserable gits.

OutaSpaceMan said...

Not that any time is a good time to go near geese but now is a particularly bad time of year to go near geese.
Breeding season y'know.

O.S.M. B:52

(verification word 'Gorte')

worm said...

why is the plural of moose not meese?

Gareth Williams said...

Do you find yourself instinctively checking your flies as you approach?

malty said...

When you say "not dissimilar to" that would be like an albino Kirsty Wark then. No problem, sidle up to it and mutter in it's lug "Pâté de foie gras" that will sort out the squawking bird.

Might not work on the goose though.

Gadjo Dilo said...

I wonder what the goose equivalent of not wearing trainers is - try putting on a pair of red diving flippers.

Anonymous said...

Your name's not on the list, you're not coming in. Clear orf.

Word verification is "thmaneff", which is, i'm sure, how geese say "fuck off" through their beaks.

Stephen said...

A goose can break a man's spine with one strike of it's wing, Willard, but a lady goose can break a gentleman goose's heart with just a glance.

(Courtesy of Harry Hill)