Nige writes in praise of spiders here. I hate the nasty things. Over the years, and as Chief Spider Remover of the Brit household, I have managed to conquer my arachnophobia to the extent that I can pick up even the big buggers using the pint glass and card method, but that doesn’t mean I have to like them. A cold death shiver runs down the spine whenever I see one at its wicked business.
Everything about spiders is evil. This is so obvious I’m amazed that people insist on going on about their ‘fine and fascinating ways’. Fine and fascinating ways? The writers of Saw IV couldn’t come up with a more dastardly system for despatching victims than the average spider’s modus operandi.
I’ve never bought this nonsense about Good and Evil being exclusively human traits. Of course there are good and evil animals. Here are the teams:
Good: Dogs, horses, dolphins, elephants, little Robin Redbreasts (the Christmas bird), sealions, penguins, otters, donkeys, pandas, chimps, red squirrels, whales and baby lions.
Evil: Cats, boa constrictors, rats, orang-utans, vultures, wasps, Sir Alex Ferguson, spiders, grey squirrels, great white sharks, camels, hamsters and sheep.