Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Aftershave

The other day I noticed that I have three bottles of aftershave in the bathroom cabinet, the youngest of which is at least four years old and the oldest at least ten. They are Tommy, Gucci Envy and I can’t remember the other one. They were all presents, obviously, and all are still at least seven tenths full*. I expect they are pretty much pure, unscented alcohol by now.

It occurs to me that I only use the stuff at black tie dinners and whatnot around the Christmas period, if I happen to remember.

So, does anyone understand aftershave?

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*Reminds me of a time I asked a chap how far through a book he’d got. “Oh, five eighths,” he said immediately. I expressed surprise at such a mathematically-specific estimation. “Well I’ve read more than a half but less than two thirds,” he said, as if it was a completely normal sort of thing to say.

28 comments:

Gaw said...

But five-eighths is only 4.1% less than two-thirds, so as near as dammit. Are you sure he didn't say "less than three-quarters" as five-eighths is exactly the mid-point between one half and three-quarters?

Also can you find out the name of that other aftershave? The absence is bothering me and I probably won't sleep tonight.

Aftershave makes you smell nice, by the way.

Brit said...

If he'd read more than a half but less than 3/4, he'd have likely said "I've read two thirds", wouldn't he? Who can say? This is the same chap who invented Scissors-Paper-Stone-Water so anything is possible.

worm said...

I understand aftershave in that its just ridiculously overpriced aroma, which bizarrely most people seem to accept - nay enjoy paying for.

Many Daily Mail readers will complain endlessly about the high price of a 35p stamp (that takes your letter and via dozens of people, a few different transport vehicles and 12 hours of time, amazingly delivers said letter from one side of the country to the other.)
Yet they will happily shell out £50 for some smelly water in a little bottle.

My girlfriend is always on about me wearing this stuff, so I let her buy it and then, like you, I wear it on birthdays and xmas. My current one is called 'Terre D'Hermes' and apparently its 'distinguished'

Brit said...

We're like soul twins, Worm.

By 'understand' I was thinking: amount to use, frequency, occasion, purpose...

worm said...

If you are a tramp, I recommend consuming one large bottle of Old Spice every 4 hours or so, This is good for any occasion that requires you to stagger around blindly in the street, swearing loudly with your genitalia on display, the purpose being to stop the voices.

Susan said...

We know what to get you for Christmas then... by the way, seems aftershave has many beneficial properties (at least according to Wikepedia)

Susan said...

or even wikipedia

Gaw said...

Worm, wouldn't it be great if someone came up with aftershaves that evoked Geosmin or Petrichor? Personally, I'd love to reek of the latter.

I suspect you could the effect of the former by rubbing yourself with beetroot (though this has some obvious drawbacks).

worm said...

Gaw - that terre d'hermes that I have is specifically supposed to smell of earth and flint (!?) so I guess thats pretty close to geosmin!

If you could bottle petrichor you would be a rich man indeed!

David said...

I don't know what you folks tell yourselves, but Americans explain aftershave by noting that Europeans don't shower every day.

David said...

Of course, we call it Eau de Toilette and then snicker.

Brit said...

I don't know what you folks tell yourselves, but Americans explain aftershave by noting that Europeans don't shower every day.

The same - we're not Europeans, remember.

David said...

It was a test. I just wanted to make sure.

Willard said...

Confess, Brit. Was the other one 'Denim'?

Nige said...

Aftershave Brit? Glad you asked... The thing about aftershave is never to use it on your face after shaving - it's murder for the skin (though a dab of something extremely gentle like my Penhaligon Castile doesn't come amiss). You can use the stuff in any other way you like - it used to be the mark of a gentleman to carry whatever scent he favoured not on his person but on his pocket handkerchief. As for fragrances, Worm's Terre d'Hermes is very acceptable, as is Givenchy Gentleman, Chanel's Pour Homme, or almost anything by Guerlain - Habit Rouge, Vetiver, Equipage... I now look forward confidently to being pelted with the blogosphere equivalent of rotten tomatoes.
By the way, I bought a new Fusion razor half-price yesterday - it's a lightweight model with the offputting label Gamer - why??

Brit said...

Only a oaf would pelt rotten blogmatoes at that, the comment of a true Gent. Or possibly, a true Gamer. Exactly what i was after - sound advice from an older, wiser head (and chin).

How many cartridges came free witht the Gamer?

Peter Burnet said...

Geez, fifteen comments on aftershave in less than four hours? People, people, don't you understand the dangers to civilization as we know it if you keep being diverted by Brit's artful frivolities? The issue is religion v. science, dammit. Let's all focus, shall we? We don't mind the odd ten minute break for butterflies, but this is getting out of hand.

Gaw said...

Penhaligon has reissued their Lavandula, which I strongly recommend, even if it may nominally be for the ladies.

"It opens with an almost questionable accord of peppery greens before relaxing into its mid-notes of an almost lemony-lavender. As the fragrance settles, a somewhat animalic tonka and musk accord melt into a hint of vanilla and woods, anchoring the scent firmly on the skin for a good 2-3 hours." Or so they say.

Who could refuse an animalic tonka?

Brit said...

Peter - I'm just on tenterhooks about what Malty's take on aftershave is going to be...

Peter Burnet said...

Brit:

Me too, but for now, worm leads the thread with that 11:15am comment.

As to aftershave, I find it droll that we Boomers broke free of our fathers' chains by spurning the stuff as part of the struggle for social justice and great sex, only to have our sons stink up the house with it. I haven't touched it in years, but my son puts it on before hockey games. I mean the ones he actually plays in.

worm said...

I just looked up the bumph for Terre D'Hermes (or Terre d'Herpes as I like to call it)

check this out:

"The earth of all perfumes, an element that spawns dreams.
A poetic journey, an invitation to travel through the elements.
Reconciling affirmation with intimacy - a journey to the centre of the earth.
Terre d’Hermès Pure Perfume underscores the landscape, ventures onto denser earth where the raw
material reverberates to a new rhythm."

some quite bold claims there I feel.

malty said...

He has to have been an engineer, five eighths =.625, five sixteenths = .3125, five thirty seconds = .156, five sixty fourths =.078, its the way we used to measure before metrication, remember?

Still have some Aqua di Silva from the nineteen seventies, smells like a Polish Hookers Polski Fiat.

malty said...

Nige, I understand that Mitcham Cabbage is a top seller this Xmas.

Knew a bloke used to rub it on his balls, "it really gets 'em" he said, in mitigation, it was the sixties.

Susan said...

Did you know that we smell not with our noses, but via our olfactory nerve, which is acutally a part of the brain? Does that explain why this post has generated so many comments...from so few aftershave aficionados? Will no one be tempted by my scented Christmas curiosities?

Nige said...

Well Brit since you ask - the Gamer comes with one fitted and one spare, but at half price that's still a lot cheaper than 2 cartridges. Hurry to Boots and fill your er boots...

Nige said...

... and I unaccountably forgot to mention L'Occitane's superb (if just a trifle girly) Les Quatre Voleurs...

malty said...

Fool that I am for asking but is there something that you lot are trying to cover up?

Must be a shortage of wasser down south, smelly bunch, no not you Susan.

malty said...

Or you Peter, canadians smell of, well, maple syrup and stuff made by Bombardier.