A gift for Barack

Further investigation into the theory that Obama doesn’t like us very much has yielded the following information:

Mr Brown handed over carefully selected gifts, including a pen holder made from the wood of a warship that helped stamp out the slave trade - a sister ship of the vessel from which timbers were taken to build Mr Obama's Oval Office desk. Mr Obama's gift in return, a collection of Hollywood film DVDs that could have been bought from any high street store, looked like the kind of thing the White House might hand out to the visiting head of a minor African state.

This could escalate into an amusing battle. I suggest that the next time they meet (if ever), Brown hands over a bundle containing the following:

A small box of Quality Street chocs
Wild Swans by Jung Chang
The Full Monty (VHS)
Hollyoaks Babes and Hunks calendars
A CD of Classic TV Theme Tunes
Packet of Prawn Cocktail flavour crisps
A well-thumbed copy of Nuts magazine
A fridge magnet from the Guernsey Tomato Museum
Now That’s What I Call Music 11 (one cassette missing)
A pencil
An apple
A satsuma
Three or four Brazil nuts

These offerings should be presented in a plastic Tesco carrier bag (tied with a double-knot as the handles aren’t the strongest.)